The Middle of the Night

Early this morning, around 2AM, we were jarred out of sleep by some loud noise. It made me jump. My husband thought our building was collapsing. The night was filled with strange strobing lights - fire trucks - more than 1. I think maybe there were 4. And a police car.
"Get downstairs!" I urged my husband. He was jumping around in the dark trying to pull my jeans on. He finally got his legs free and grabbed a pair of shorts. I handed him flip flops as he headed out the door.
I knew what was going on - something we had expected all through last winter. Someone thinking our building was on fire because we're heating with a wood stove. Most people just don't expect to see smoke rolling off a downtown building roof.
We bought this hundred and twenty five year old building almost two years ago. It sat vacant, empty and decaying for at least five years before we bought it. There were no gas lines to the building, a couple old non-working furnaces that we carted out for scrap. But then winter came. The first few months we owned the building, Chris stayed here and I would visit on the weekends. Bitter bitter cold nights, we'd sleep with long underwear, sweatshirts and stocking caps! But our first full winter I was living here full time and we needed heat. Installation of a new furnace and ductwork (there was NONE) would cost us upwards of $12,000 - money we didn't have to spend. Salvation came in the form of an airtight wood stove I found at a flea market. Could this work for us?
Chris came by to look at it - lo and behold it was the exact same stove and model that his dad had heated their entire house in Maine with when he was a boy. So the stove found its way to our living room. I love the feel of the wood heat - it is somehow warmer than a traditional furnace. I didn't like carting firewood up 27 stairs to our house area! But I was pleased to find out that I could start a good fire and keep it going - all on my own.
So last winter, we heated with wood. Scrounging around family farms for firewood and buying when we could. Loading firewood in the middle of January in a snowstorm is NOT fun! So this year we stocked up with four and a half cord of wood in October. We are ready for winter!
And then there was last night. Once the firemen came up and looked at our stove and chimney, they gave us the all clear and declared it 'safe'. Except that the adrenalin rush we got and being jarred out of bed, and the wave of what ifs that filled the night, kept us from sleep.
Poor Chris, he had to head off to work with only 2 hours of sleep. And I am determined to clear and organize this house today - I wanted to apologize to the firemen that I hadn't put our laundry away yet...
The good news is that we got a lot of good soul talking in - the middle of the night is the best time for that!
Now what to do about our doors that now won't close all the way because the firemen were wrenching them open before Chris could get there to unlock them. Better safe than sorry I suppose...

New Perspectives

This week marks a new year for me. I love October! My birthday month, autumn crispness in the air, leaves changing, school starting, new beginnings.

I start this year from a new perspective. Life is colorful, rich and full. I have a treasured handful of old friends and an exciting group of new friends and new adventures. This is the year I will bloom, I can just feel it now!

The air is full and ripe with opportunity and blessings.

This new year and new perspective calls for a new look to my blog and website. Hope you all enjoy it!

Blessings,

Toby

Unlocking yourself, one friend at a time...

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive," Anaïs Nin wrote.

I read that thought recently and I found it amazing. And uplifting. Imagine the possibilities!!

To think that there is a hidden piece of myself that can only be unlocked by a particular friend I have yet to meet. That makes me excited for the future. And eager to discover all the little hidden pieces of me.

What does it make you think of?

I think I can I think I can I think I can...

We are a one vehicle family. Which works MOST of the time. A few weeks ago I invested in a brand new state of the art bicycle. One of those old fashioned kind that I rode when I was a kid. Only one speed - however fast my legs can pedal. And old time brakes, the kind where you just push backwards on the pedal. These features were important to me because trying to find the right gear makes me a nervous wreck and hand brakes are way too dangerous for my compulsive, sometimes-unaware world. I don't think my 50 year old body would sustain a flip over the handle bars the same way my twelve year old self did.

Yes, my lilac colored, wide white rimmed wheels and cush-y extra wide comfortable seat are perfect for me! I even added a basket so I can ride to the grocery store, the library or anywhere else within my biking reach. Today I found out that I can easily fit a dozen library books in my basket!!!

I make a daily 3 mile round trip ride to the city pool for aqua aerobics. Sometimes the ride home is a little difficult and I have to stop for a breather. Overall though, Lilac has been an astounding success!

Less than half a mile from our house is the Katy Trail - an old railroad right of way that has been made into a graveled state park for walking and bike riding. Our hyper active Aussie has taken to rides on the Trail and is a perfect bike side companion. Our littlest dog, a Toy Poodle is learning to ride in the ever more useful basket. And our Sausage Dog stays home in the shade or on the bed in the air conditioning - perfect for him!

On Monday my husband called with a dilemma. He locked his keys in the truck and needed me to bring him a second set. I didn't share his enthusiasm for my riding over 3 and a half miles to his work place on the other side of town. I thought for a minute and sighed a bunch and then pulled old Lilac out on to the sidewalk. It wasn't the distance that gave me concern, it was that I only had two choices; to ride down Main Street or to ride out on the Highway.

I pointed the bike towards Main Street and started pedaling. Nineteen minutes later I pulled into the parking lot to a grinning husband.

"I knew you could do it!" he said as he pretended to drive off leaving me and my bike in the lot. "See you at home." Not really. We put the bike in the back of the truck.

I was pretty proud of myself. Initial fear and doubt told me I couldn't achieve the task put in front of me. But a little bit of faith and a lot of determination got me right where I needed to go.

A bit like life, don't you think?

Perception, Perception, Perception...

is everything! Literally.

Chris and I watched Pride and Prejudice this weekend. It was so obvious to the viewer that the main characters could not get past their perceptions to move forward in their relationship. Both of them were convinced of the validity of their perception of events and neither was correct.

Life is so much like that. Humans are so stubborn and self-righteous that they never question their perception. If they did, they'd probably find a much clearer and brighter reality than that which they create in their narrow perception window.

Right and wrong. Black and white.

But the world is never black and white, is it?

Why is it that we are so afraid to challenge our perceptions? To get the whole story before we form an opinion or take an action.

Perception smacked me right in the face this weekend. And the perception these others had was so far off base that it was almost laughable.

Well, I'm moving on. Their loss was my gain...

Once again, I'm all the wiser for it.

Regrets???

Someone recently asked me if I had any regrets.  


My feeling about regrets is that they are a waste of time and energy.  You cannot change the past so why dwell on it.  Does that mean I would do the same thing today?  Absolutely not!


But that's not a fair question because, with hindsight, most of us would do many things differently today.  That's because we are not the same person we were then.  


Instead I choose to believe and accept that everything I have been through in my life was critical to getting me to who I am today.  And I like who I am today.  


Even though some of the things I've been through were difficult, I would not wish them out of my life.  They were critical to my growth, to being who I am.   And I am happy.


What about you?  How do you feel about regrets?

Worrying life to death...

I am a worrier.  I worry about, well practically everything!  My husband never worries about a single thing.  It makes me crazy!  I can see that his way is much healthier but I cannot convince myself to let go.  What is it about worrying that gets under our skin and doesn't let go?  I feel like the cloak of worry is velcroed to my body.  I go to sleep with it, I wake up with it.  I take it to the movies with me.  It distracts me through dinner.

Worrying never gets anyone anywhere!  Things end up happening the way they are going to happen whether you are worrying about it or not.

So, what is YOUR secret to peeling this cloak of worry out of your life?

All in God's Time

Patience is not one of my strengths. But my husband and my mother-in-law are overflowing with it.

I struggle, I fight, I worry things to death and they sit back and say, "just let it be Toby things will happen in their own time".

And every single time they are right!!

After that every single time I always say, "I'm done worrying."

I like to think I get better each time but I sure have a long way to go.

The hardest thing I've ever done is to 'Let go and let God', but I actively practice that every day and I am amazed at all the things that come my way, just when I least expect them. At that moment just when things are on the verge of getting desperate, something pops up and I just have to laugh and say "okay, God, you've been there all along and you got me again."

How easy is it for you to 'let go and let God'?